fly awake

Our dreams have different roles, and different ways to teach us. I find that my dreams often provide me the reassurance of protection, love and hope that I may not see, or allow myself to feel in the waking time. Somehow these messages are very easily received while asleep, and yet awake, my fears and insecurities, or ‘rational thought’, obscures them. Dreams such as these serve as a reminder of the benevolence and support that we are forgetting/ignoring. We may take a lesson to endeavor to cultivate deeper relationships with such forces of good in other waking dreams.

On the other hand dreams can sometimes be filled with horrible fantasies or, even worse, metaphors of the unpleasant side of waking time. I tend to look at these dreams one of two ways (well…three). Either they are a wake up call saying, “Hey, are you the dreamer or the dreamed? Time to be lucid and make some changes.” Alternately, bad things may happen in the dreamtime so that you don’t have to experience them in waking. “Well…three”, being that sometimes we have wretched dreams because we are out of balance physically, for example: extremely violent dreams often occur when people are overheated.  I find it best to consider the dreams from various perspectives. Such as, if this dream is a metaphor for my life, or warning, I might do such and such. Or taken on more literal level it might mean… For example: I dream that I need to eat a kidney soaked in dandelion. Well, on one hand it might be suggesting that I need to do some work on my kidneys (water processing system/grief organ) which may involve taking dandelion which is both a strong diuretic and great for deep inflammation/anger, not to mention investigating the role of that organ and plant in my life, and what it would mean for me to eat meat. Or, on an even more literal level: perhaps it would be good if I eat some kidneys saturated in dandelion–getting both the meat and the dandelion (I am a vegetarian, and at the time I had this dream I had had others about eating meat).  Dreams act on many different levels, and I find it very helpful to write your dreams down, you may get a great first impression of a dream, only to look back with a year’s perspective to say, “Oh my goodness–that dream was about that thing I was thinking about, but…it was also so obviously about the loss of my relationship with X”.

Just as we have beautiful moments and nightmares in dreamtime, we experience similar highs and lows in the waking time. We can learn a lot by looking at our waking dreams with similar analysis. When faced with a frustrating situation we might ask ourselves, how am I contributing to this ‘nightmare’. Is my pride preventing me from turning this disagreement into a truce? Am I not willing to let go of something bad, and just walk away? How am I limiting this area of my life?  We can take hold of the reigns in a scary situation by manifesting changes through our intent. Rather than allowing our patterned reactions to govern us, we can instead envision our preferred outcome and how it would feel to experience this.  This act can change our feelings about what we think is possible, it can affect the situation physically, and/or it can improve our emotional take on the situation.  By using our intent and imagination, we can ‘dream up’ a preferred waking reality. Because the waking dream is more of a “group project” it may not entirely change the situation, but you may still be surprised by how much your intent affects your environment.

When enriching/spiritual moments occur, it is good to take note: how did my actions contribute to this happening and how can I encourage more moments like these to occur? Regardless of whether the dreams seem positive or negative they are filled with information, in a language written for the dreamer, that can help us to live a better life.  I have learned so many things from the guidance of my dreams: To ask questions of my environment, to interact more freely with animals, crystals, and herbs. To interact with things that scare me too. That it is possible to deeply connect with time and space. That these interactions grow oneness. We can use our intent to encourage these positive experiences as well. This is a way that we can practice lucidity in the waking time.

For the last three or four months I have been trying to find some Elderberry wine in the local shops. Yesterday I spoke with my herb instructor/olist and was feeling the plant energy strongly. Afterwards I ran to Fred Meyer’s to get some last minute avocados. After grabbing one, I wander, feeling a bit guided, into the wine area. It is not an area that I normally go to as I’m not a drinker. I will, however, make an exception/create an opportunity for an exception, if the alcohol is herbal. (I had some Wild Wines Lemon Balm wine last year, very heating and strong.) I found myself directly in front of all sorts of fruit wines. Hmmm…I asked myself, “Could it be…here in Fred Meyer’s of all places?” I look and look through all the bottles, and sure enough there is some crappy Manischewitz Elderberry wine. Oy vey! I know it’s going to taste like juice, but I am totally game.  I’m just hoping that the “artifical colors and flavors” that they so prominently advertise on the front of the bottle are not what makes it elderberry.

Later that night I drank a glass with a couple friends. It has been a long time since I drank regular wine, but it seemed more mellow, warmly expansive, and less of a bonk over the head than straight-up grape wine. It had a more subtle flavor than welch’s, although not too far off. And–yeah! for me–it did not give me the feeling that my limbs are falling off that I get from most alcohols, including a strong kombucha. I liked it, but very much look forward to trying some that is not so sweet. The let down from the sugar high was probably worse than the let down from the alcohol.

To add to the excitement of my super herby day my friends and I spent some time talking excitedly about nettles (but, how else can you talk about nettles–they are so exciting!). We’re planning a little nettle party, that will include, as I so eloquently put it in my happy tipsy state:  

‘I hope there will be beer making, soup, and that I get to flagelate people.’

Thank you to Martha Stewart, here’s a great Nettle soup recipe. I can’t wait to make it again. We’ll be experimenting on my balding friends to see if the nettles will bring back their hair.

Later that night I slept with my crystal for the first time in a while and at one point woke up with it by my left hip (it tends to wander to where it’s needed). I had visions of little children and babies all night long.  All in all making it was an exciting day and night.

Dream (1/12/10): I start a dream group with three or four people I vaguely know. I’ve brought my jug of Oregon Brandy and am drinking out of it. This really surprises me as I am not a drinker. My friend Nicole shows up and she’s got her brandy bottle too. One of the guy’s in the group is excited that I have “Oregon Red”–so he calls it. His wife is encouraging him to get the good stuff too, since it makes him excited. I say, “Oh, I like that, but actually I ran out and refilled it with Safeway stuff.” I shrug as I say this, as if the quality of the alcohol doesn’t really matter. His wife laughs at this. “Oregon Brandy is good,” I continue, “also there is a really good vodka…” I am trying to remember the name, but can’t. These are all good for tincture making.

A young man in the group helps Nicole. He is attractive with curly blondish brown hair. He comes over to her and drips the brandy on her third eye. I ask him to help me. He pours some into his hand and wipes it across my forehead. Nice.

At our second meeting a nurse I’ve hardly spoken to is there and a man in the group is taking over my lead and explaining the group to him. He’s not telling her the things I think she needs to know about how we tell our dreams, so I step in to redirect.

We go as a group to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s presentation on dream groups as ordained by the US government of health and somesuch. At first I am excited because the government is participating in dream work.  It is a show of naked men, women and children dancing and moving together. We are part of a huge audience. One by one members of our dream group stand to speak out against the show. They are ashamed of this portrayal of the dream world/work. One stands up in her night shirt. She speaks directly into the camera that is filming the event, as she puts on her sweats:

“Dreaming is not about feeling new things, or hearing new things, it is about seeing new things.”

Wake: Well, so many things. First of all I think the “Oregon Red” refers to the hawthorn berry tincture I made with brandy (Oregon brandy) that is a sleep/insomnia remedy. It is good for waking up in the middle of the night type insomnia. I have been taking it lately for other reasons. But I have also suggested it to a few people I know who have that type of insomnia. The way the man puts the tincture on our foreheads reminds me of the last time I was at my Guru’s. There was a big Shiva puja and we had ashes wiped on our foreheads. It was a healing ceremony.

The young man with the curly blondish hair seems like a plant spirit.

I have been planning on starting a dream group soon. One of the things I am interested in doing in the group aside from dreams, is spending some time meditating with plants that facilitate dreams and sleep. This dream brought up some ideas about the process.  It also brings up representations of dreams and manifestation in mainstream culture. Such as Men Who Stare at Goats, which I saw recently. At first I was excited that a mainstream movie was delving into these issues, let alone that the US Govt did, but ultimately both seem to treat the area of study with disrespect. The nudity and partially dressed people in the dream reminded me of the way people’s bodies often are when sleeping.

I really liked this dream and was very inspired by the way the herbal tincture, hawthorn or otherwise, was used in the dream group process.  I am also going to be contemplating the final statement: “dreams…are for seeing new things.” This statement reminds me of Calea.

A bit piecemeal, but here goes:

Dream (12/30/09):  I’m sitting in some sparse, wintery woods with a couple other people. We’re hiding. Some people are coming through the woods to get us. I am sewing poetry along the collar of a dress I designed (rusty red thread on a cream collar). It’s the start of a poem I’ve been working on. “Like as…” it begins.  I sense the people are getting closer. One of my comrades and I run away through the woods. We get round to the other side and I jump off the path into the thick just before they shoot him with a rifle. The enemies back off, and I step onto the path to see him. He’s dead, but a wolf with a hunchback comes to me from his body. I say, “Oh, good, you can help lead me to safety.”  The wolf seems uncertain of this. He’s thinking about going back to the place where I was sewing. I don’t think that’s safe. We run back on the path that led us to the shooting.  The poem keeps running though my mind. I keep thinking of it and working on it. Going all the way back doesn’t feel safe. At one point on the edge of the the woods  the path meets up with the back of someone’s dirty gold ranch house with chain link fence and dog. I think we can get through without the dog hearing us and attacking. I look at the wolf and scoot through the fence and make it through the driveway into the town. The town is old. All the architecture is 1800’s. I touch the curvy molding on a shop, it’s freshly painted–red and white. We run through the streets. My running is fast, but on some level I know I am dreaming and could just be gliding through the air. I run and run and run until I cross the train tracks and get to a motel. I go inside my room, still afraid that someone is after me. I crash on the polyester covered bed.  I wake after hours and am surprised to see the door ajar (not very safe of me). I go and close it and turn around to see that David has slipped through the door and is sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. He’s a bit hunched over. He reminds me of the wolf in his expression.

Wake: Here I am hiding in the woods from all the people I think are after me, crafting clothing and writing poetry. In the place I love doing all the things I love, only problem is that there are too many people and not enough woods. The poem reminds me of Shakespeare’s sonnet 118–starts off, “Like as, to make our appetites more keen…”–confession and getting sick off of preventative medicine (cathartic purging that seems downright sick). The wolf comes when my friend dies.  I think of him as a guide, but he doesn’t really guide me; we do go together. The gold house is very like a house in my childhood neighborhood. The kind of house that has been neglected for 20 years, and has a sketchy/dangerous vibe, bull dogs, etc. I associate the era of the old town with simpler times, which is appealing, although in the dream there wasn’t much feeling about it, just relief at so many fewer things to interface with maybe–no cars, computers, no people on the streets, etc. A motel is the logical place to hide. David…well, I just found out that my friend’s husband, David, joined the circus when he was younger. This changed the way I think about him. The circus reminds me of wolf people (loners in a pack). The expression of the wolf and David don’t really remind me of David. The woods remind me of the woods in Iowa that we used to live by. David and Dee are in Iowa. It’s almost like seeing this side of David makes me think twice about going back to Iowa. I am running from people and memories from Iowa in the waking time, though I yearn to be back in Hickory Hill Park. Dee sent me a Hickory Hill Calendar along with this exciting info about David. I look forward to hear the circus story some day.

Dream (1/1/10): I’m in a dark hall, with a bunch of people, we’re in line to see my Guru–Shri Dhyanyogi. When I am in front of the Guru, he tells me to draw an Om on my third eye. I am surprised that I remember how to do it–it’s in reddish orange ink. I go into a very deep meditation. I can hardly will myself to move. Guruji talks to the crowd, while I am sitting in front of him in my state. I am aware enough that I am blocking traffic, even though I really shouldn’t worry, just meditate. I eventually move to the side, which breaks my meditation. I think of poetry. I hear, “just write the Truth“. I also wonder about my meditations being not so great, and I hear, “soon”.

Wake: Poetry again, I think of my the falcon poem that I wrote for my Guru, but also of my Fly Awake installation that was meant to be poem-like in its construction. A poem you could walk into and feel, between the text and imagery I created. The dream seems like a reminder to organize my art in this way, while working aligned to the highest Truth. Also gives reassurance that my meditations, which haven’t been the best, will become infused with light again. A Day or so before these dreams, I smoked some Calea and asked for help with my art. With Calea I am not surprised to find dreams coming up long after the physical interaction.

Wake: Wow! Maybe I’ll smudge my apartment just to be on the safe side.  This dream was pretty awesome. I use sage and other smudges from time to time. I’ve read they remove negative ions from the air–with proper cross ventilation :). Rather than simply removing the negative spirit, it allowed me to see the problem and eventually release it. Sage is used medicinally for people in their later years–post menopause/post andropause (the spirit was old and gray). Reminding the spirit of God, by mentioning oneness, however inadvertantly, finally sent the spirit back to the soul.

I often wonder about the closeness of city living and apartment living. I wonder about all the people and spirits that have been their and are there, and how it affects us to be close.

I have a beautiful sage plant on my front porch of our apartment building that seems unhappy out there–perhaps it’s the abundant moisture and chillyness of Portland in the fall, or maybe some nasty spirits. I think it is time to bring it inside.

Dream: I am flying like an owl! I lift up my arms in waves like owls do and my head points forward. I am not an owl, but my arms move like an owl moves its wings. I am outside above some green, flying at shoulder height around a few people. I waver a couple times, but manage to remember how to stay aloft and keep going. I fly a short distance and see a large owl feather about 20 feet in front of me, near a woman’s head. It is huge and I am very excited that I have only just started flying like an owl and already this feather has popped into my life.

I fly closer. A man is standing next to the woman, and her boyfriend is across from her closer to me (as I fly by him). The two men are positioned across from each other like you would be to play catch. They are somehow using the feather as a lure for hunting or something. I stand in front of the woman and see that this approximately 16 inch long feather is attached to her right ear.

I tell her I like the feather. She says something like, “Yeah, thanks, it’s cool isn’t it?” I say, “Let me be more clear: What do I need to do to get you to give me that feather?” She thinks for a moment and says, “Make me a scout troop 023 hat.” “Oh, 23,” I’m thinking, “that’s a good number.”

I get right on it. I’m home at my desk making the scout hat. It’s an old army green cap.  I’ve already printed out the patches for the numbers from the internet. Still I have a few more finishing touches to do.

Wake: I am so excited to be flying that I forget that it is a dream. Everything is very good–the flying, the feather, the number 23 (my fav), that I can attain what I desire. This dream was such a relief, the last week I have been over heated and stressed and have had more than my share of nightmares and stress dreams–oy vey! Finally a dream that was uplifting so to speak. There are a couple things that intrigue me: 1) men using the feather (attached to girlfriend) as a lure and 2.) owl, which I love, but can also signal deception. I’ll have to be watching, in an owl way, to see what’s going on under the surface. The silent killers are my friends.

I have published Dreamtime Pamphlet vol. 3: A Pocket Guide to Inner Time and Space. It is available in my etsy shop. The booklet gives varied ideas and exercises for getting more in touch with time and space on a personal and bodily level. I hope you like it.

I also just added some blank dream journals that I have been working on.  I bound the books, printed the titling with letterpress, and collaged the covers with dream imagery.

Dream (11/13) I walk behind 4-5 friends into a large building that is dark on the inside. There is a lady at the counter. I tell her that we came late yesterday and weren’t able to stay long. She understands and is happy to let us in without paying. Instead of going to the main room on the right (where we were the day before), our teacher takes us to a small room, just to the left. The main hall is full of plants, this room has three trees growing in it.  Our teacher walks around to the other side of the center tree. The room is cozy, but not tight. He says, “Check out this tree.” We look at the center tree. The sign says that it is 189,793 years old. The tree has small branches growing straight up from where the branches start–reminding me of Hawthorn. These small branches have been trimmed and the base of the tree has grown larger and larger. Though the tree is still medium sized, the base is very large, bulbous and twisted, like it has grown out rather than up. The light and dark (steele) gray striped bark curves around the tree.  People have their hands on the tree to feel its energy. I can feel them feel the tree and just how intense the tree is from where I stand a few feet away.  It certainly is old. I am a little leery of getting too close though I am aware I am in the presence of something great. I am tempted to just look at the tree to my right.

Wake: This dream was so exciting. The place seemed like a library for plants, like the Library of Knowlege, or a natural history museum of plants. The night before, I was working with Hawthorn a little–preparing some for a friend. For some reason this medicine which works through the heart physically and subtly, sometimes worries me. It seems mysteriously strong, even though it is a heart opener and seems so loving. Maybe that’s the scary part. In the dream it seemed to have an almost sinister edge to it. Even though I was nervous in the dream, I was so happy to go to the plant library and meet the tree. The teacher and students reminded me of Matthew Wood and some of my fellow students from the class I took with him this summer.

In addition to being a heart remedy, it has also been used for certain types of insomnia. I tried it the other night when I had woken in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I soon felt my heart soften and relax, along with my mind–which was way more active than I had realized. Aw, hawthorn, why do I question you?

Thanks to all of you who purchased my pudu journals.  I was able to collect $200 to donate. The original plan was to give them money to the Patagonian Land Programme but, I started feeling very nervous about this European organization because I couldn’t find any information on them. So instead the money was donated to the Nature Conservancy’s Patagonian grassland conservation program.  Here’s some of the creatures their program will benefit:

(from their site)

• More than 20,000 species of plants;
• More than 370 species of mammals, including the vulnerable pudu, the world’s smallest deer, measuring just 18 inches at the shoulder;
• More than 1,000 species of birds, including the Andean condor, the world’s largest flying bird.

So thanks again for all that contributed. Hopefully the Pudu will be more protected with their assistance.

Pudu says, “Thanks! Check out my cute bum, and mini antlers.”

Dream: I keep turning, facing the different directions. East South West North…I face them and feel their domain: Air, Fire, Water, Earth. I find a brown satchel and open it. It has wands in it. There are three groups. The top row is one of the groups, I look at the two groups that make up the bottom row. One group of wands is made from seems to be made from vegetables, some are withered from drying out. The other group of wands are made from the woods of two different plants each. Underneath this set, it says “for herbalist/healers”. One of these wands is part Agrimony and part friend. Funny, I didn’t remember agrimony having a woody part. I start making my own wands on these models. I wonder how exactly I will be able to make the two woods join seamlessly.

Wake: Agrimony makes me think of work issues.* It seems like most people I work with are frustrated with their jobs, me too.  I took some agrimony flower essence and kept the bottle in my pocket all day at work. Things seemed to go better, and there was more friendliness too.

Dream: I am thinking about the directions. I am in the summer of my life. When I die I hope it will be like falling asleep, where I feel my senses peeling back from the blackness and inner peace. I remember that feeling. I hope that it is peaceful.

Wake: I was so exhausted last night, I could hardly think. I was aware as I fell asleep. That familiar feeling of letting go, where the senses become dimmer and the quiet and stillness envelope. When you are aware of that moment you have to make the choice to let go. Letting go of control and awareness. It is such a precious transition. It reminds me of death. In the dream I remembered the exact feeling of falling into asleep.

East Air Spring Youth

South Fire Summer Adulthood

West Water Autumn Aging

North Earth Winter Death

—————-

*Incidently the dream job I got this summer did not work out. Within a couple weeks it was obvious that I was in a difficult situation. It seemed so weird that it wouldn’t work out, after all the dreams. But within a couple months I quit and went back to my old job, where they were happy to have me. I was perplexed by this for a long time. Finally I had a dream about it. The dream showed that, while it looked like a spell that brought the job, it was just a coincidence that the agrimony,etc happened at the same time that I got that job. This made me feel less confused, but I am still working through all my employment issues, etc.