fly awake

Dream: I am flying like an owl! I lift up my arms in waves like owls do and my head points forward. I am not an owl, but my arms move like an owl moves its wings. I am outside above some green, flying at shoulder height around a few people. I waver a couple times, but manage to remember how to stay aloft and keep going. I fly a short distance and see a large owl feather about 20 feet in front of me, near a woman’s head. It is huge and I am very excited that I have only just started flying like an owl and already this feather has popped into my life.

I fly closer. A man is standing next to the woman, and her boyfriend is across from her closer to me (as I fly by him). The two men are positioned across from each other like you would be to play catch. They are somehow using the feather as a lure for hunting or something. I stand in front of the woman and see that this approximately 16 inch long feather is attached to her right ear.

I tell her I like the feather. She says something like, “Yeah, thanks, it’s cool isn’t it?” I say, “Let me be more clear: What do I need to do to get you to give me that feather?” She thinks for a moment and says, “Make me a scout troop 023 hat.” “Oh, 23,” I’m thinking, “that’s a good number.”

I get right on it. I’m home at my desk making the scout hat. It’s an old army green cap.  I’ve already printed out the patches for the numbers from the internet. Still I have a few more finishing touches to do.

Wake: I am so excited to be flying that I forget that it is a dream. Everything is very good–the flying, the feather, the number 23 (my fav), that I can attain what I desire. This dream was such a relief, the last week I have been over heated and stressed and have had more than my share of nightmares and stress dreams–oy vey! Finally a dream that was uplifting so to speak. There are a couple things that intrigue me: 1) men using the feather (attached to girlfriend) as a lure and 2.) owl, which I love, but can also signal deception. I’ll have to be watching, in an owl way, to see what’s going on under the surface. The silent killers are my friends.

Dreams:

I am standing across from a nature area. I could easily ignore it but I go in. It is a very small space actually. I look up and see the beautiful blue sky. I lay down in a furrow that is just my size. I am surrounded by living green, and there is a little creek. Feathers float above me. They are lit up by the sun and so look perfectly white. I wish to have one and one floats down and lands on a little ledge near my face. I am so happy to have it come to me. I pick it up, it looks like down from a very big bird.

A little baby brown bear is next to me. He is more the size of a human baby than a bear baby–I’d imagine. He bites my arm and wrestles me. I don’t think he is trying to be mean, but his teeth are a little needle like. I try to shake him off gently and tell him it’s time to stop. He is a sweet bear, with a very cute bear face. He stops eventually and I get up and walk through to the other side. There is a grassy clearing and a man is leaning against a steep hill whittling. He doesn’t look at me but he is there with me. I realize I forgot my feather and I go back to get it. I bring it back to him with me. In the light of the clearing it is not quite so white, it is gray in parts, which is disappointing.

He tells me that “the bird was shot down”. I am sad to hear this. I am not sure if I should have this feather now. I look closer and see that it has a little round burn on it where the bullet must have nearly touched. He says, “that is how most birds come down out here”. But he doesn’t seem to think that I shouldn’t keep the feather as a result of the bird’s unfortunate death. He is just telling me. Still I am not sure what is right. He continues whittling the whole time we talk.

Wake: I woke up in bed the most comfortable I have been is so long (feeling like I was in that perfect furrow). The man again reminds me of Calea man and the other men who have visited me in dreams lately. Come to think of it the men remind me a little of deer man. I am often unsure of how to interact with nature, the feather/death is one example of this–the issues which should be simple, like gardening or eating, are confused like I am wearing some hazy cap. I have had many dreams to help with this, but I guess I am still timid. Lastly, when I first moved out here, a woman at work told me about all the falcons around here, but how they were often shot down. I still haven’t seen any yet.

2. I go to “the Museum for the Blind”, it is a hip little place right next to where Kevin and I have rented a spot for our store. The museum is also a coffee hangout type place, but first and foremost a museum. This is not a museum concerning the blind, but solely for the blind. It belongs to a young couple, they seem nice and are almost done setting it up. It is a place where the blind can experience the visual. A person who is not blind can visit, but to “see” the exhibit they must go without their sight. I hear the question, “how long could you go, pretending to be blind?” I am happy that this place is next to ours, I find it very intriguing, and cutting edge, to say the least. We are looking forward to setting up our shop.

Wake: I love the idea of this museum. It brings up a few things that happened lately. One: working on my website and my friend who was helping me suggested I write captions about the pictures, that aren’t seen, but are used in some cases, like for the blind. I was a little curious about the idea of a blind person perusing a photography website. Two: my friend told me her husband finally got catarach surgery after suffering for a long time. The idea of loosing one’s vision seemed so horrible to me. Third: The museum also seems like the type of place that could be successful in a place like Portland, OR.

3. I go into the back room behind the museum, where the computers are. My acupuncturist is there. He says he has something to tell me. He has a splat rat. One of those rubbery toys that you throw against something and watch them do a slimy crawl down to the ground. He starts throwing the rat against a mirror. He wants to read the rat’s splat on the mirror like you would entrails or tea leaves. The rat keeps falling off immediately instead of sticking long enough to read. Finally I stop him, saying, “Why don’t you just channel the rat?” He’s not interested in doing that, but he tells me in a straightforward and rather scientific manner that, “the rat is very strong in his first and second circuit.” As he says this I see a rat and see indeed how its haunches, and lower body in general, are where its strength lies. He continues, “but the rat is weak/stupid at his third.” As he says this his finger traces the wheel at his own neck. I see how this is how it is with the rat.

Wake: Hmmm… The first thing rat reminds me of is Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, and his vehicle–the rat. Later I remembered that it is the year of the rat.

I have been frustrated about my low thyroid and really wanting to get better now, immediately, if not already. When I woke up from these dreams I felt so relieved. Like I didn’t need to worry about it, just eat well, rest and develop a surplus of energy. In the mean time perhaps work on a more basic, attainable goal.

Before I went to sleep I asked the crystal to show me a more gentle way of working with it. I also asked for it to share with me more about how it works and how it makes people lighter (as it did in my last dream).
Dream: I am helping dead people. They are dead people who don’t know they are dead yet, or perhaps they have a strong suspicion but they know that if they admit it, they will be giving up even the illusion of their body. I am given an assignment, which is a picture of the person (how they appear energetically) and what I am to do for them. With each person (assignment) the idea is basically the same. They come to me, we interact, during the interaction I bring them to their happiest memories, while they are in this state of happiness I somehow facilitate their leaving their body. At that point they have totally released their physical body and it is a much better state for the soul to be in.

This process helps many people.

One assignment is for a man–his picture is of an albino deer with a mouth and eyes that close and open like a fish’s mouth. He reminds me of a peacock that I have seen. When I see him “in the flesh” he is more man-looking, but with pale blue green peacock feathers, these grow out of him and he plays with them nervously. He avoids me, even while he stands in front of me. He leaves without our interaction taking place.

I go on to my next assignment which involves taking the woman back to the happiness that came during the ultrasound of her pregnant belly. Before this happens, I see the man again. He is still avoiding me, although this time I see him as he appeared while human. He is skinny, with a thin frame and short dark blond hair. He wears a zip jacket and pants. He was a scientist. He is young. I talk to him about how if we do our thing together then he will be able to go to the meeting. (He is standing outside the room where the meeting is being held, as though he wants to go in. Several people are entering the room.) He says “If I do that then I will really be dead.”

Wake:

This dream left me feeling very good, even though “assistance from the body” wasn’t able to happen for the last guy. It seems very weird to say I did anything to help people let go. It just seemed like I was there for another force to work through. Something very subtle.

Perhaps the crystal can be used to help in the process of death, to lighten souls and return them to their unformed state. I think this dream also was informed by a conversation I had with Kevin yesterday about the heart as a reality generating device.

We’ve had many discussions about the mind as a reality generating device, i.e. lucid dreaming while waking and asleep–imagine it to be so and it will be way more likely to happen. Kevin had heard something about how you can imagine that the thing you manifest has already happened, visualize this, but then feel how you would in that reality. According to his source, the heart-mind working together has more success than just the mind.

In the dream the heart was the way to release people from their fear of death/loosing the body. When people die in our country is their a lack of care for the heart? It seems so cold when people die in the hospital, but who am I to say. The man in the dream reminds me of a patient I worked with last time I was at the hospital. He was young and so sick, and had been sick for most of his life. He seemed very distant from his heart. In the dream it is almost as though the man says “If I feel what it feels to be really alive, then I will really die.”

In the hospital I often try to figure out what makes people happy (i.e. kids, hobbies) to distract them from what I am doing, (which they usually do not like, but have to deal with). With this man, I was unable to connect, he was so sick and so withdrawn from his body. I wasn’t worried about not connecting when I left the room, but I was concerned for him. I see so many people everyday–this has been a gift that has taught me how very differently people deal with the stress of illness. I often find our medical system to be strange. I am much more a fan of natural medicine, heart centered approaches, and empowering the patient. These seem deficient in our hospitals, but every unique person that works at the hospital has the opportunity to bring these things to the patient. Perhaps working with the crystal has helped me and could help me to do more in this area.

This past weekend I went to Home Depot.  As I walked in I felt a fluttering above my head. I looked up and saw two pigeons had just flown in above me.

There are many pigeons in Portland, as everywhere I guess. I have come to appreciate the pigeons a little more lately. I meditate in this small little room/walk in closet in the attic in the front peak of the house. Directly across the street there is another peak, often I look out of my small window to see a pigeon hanging out on top of the peak, or working on a nest in its overhang. Then the other day I found a pigeon feather below his spot. Sweet little pigeon feather. I hope to learn more about the way of the pigeon soon.

I’ve been really enjoying my new nest. I am not seeing as many hawks and bald eagles in Portland. Still, my new place is nest high, I look out on the trees and get to see lots of birdies passing by. In particular hummingbirds, crows, pigeons, little brown birds, extra small birds (not sure who they are yet), and, fairly regularly, a blue heron passes above.

Dream:

I am standing in a garage. There is a lush park across street. There is someone with me–more of a presence than an identity. I am holding a monkey wrench, there are grease stains on the cement floor. I am working on some repairs.

Across the street, out on a tree limb, I see a slightly scruffy gray bird with a spot of yellow. I think “Killdeer”, but it acts like cat, stretching out languidly on its back, holding its head up with its arms. I see a bird flying towards the park. It looks like a blue heron as it flies, but when it lands it is a glorious peacock. Very beautiful and graceful, it’s neck is longer than any pictures I have seen, also it is very tall, maybe four feet–it walks like a dancer. It quickly crosses the street and comes by the garage. It hands out one of its tail feathers to each person quickly and gracefully as it walks by. I think “Dee!”. The feather I am given has two iridescent eyes at the end instead of one. It’s not as pretty as the ones with one big eye, but I know it is very special. The peacock is still walking around by the garage. Right in front of the garage, just to the left of where I am standing, there is a parrot. Its colors are so bright. Red and blue and even a red and white mohawk. The parrot looks up at me sometimes, it’s hopping around like crow and kind of barking. I try to talk with it, using its noises, but I don’t seem to be getting through. Still it’s wonderful to see.

Killdeer/Catbird: This gray and yellow bird reminds me a little of this checkout guy at the grocery store, because of a common gray mohawk. The checkout guy was a pleasant surprise for a couple reasons: 1. he was in his 50’s or 60’s and had a floppy gray mohawk. 2. he called me Ms. Michaud and pronounced my last name correctly (definitely a rarity). The bird also reminds me of Kevin. Also an owner of a floppy gray mohawk. Plus the languid, stretch out position was a Kevin classic. Kevin is also very cat like, good at sharing the message of the importance of relaxing.

Peacock Dee: In the dream I associate the Peacock with my longtime friend Dee. She is always very generous, so I often associate her with Turkey, aka Mr. Giveaway. But she does have a huge tattoo of a peacock on her thigh, and a sense of style more akin to peacock than turkey.

Crowco the Parrot: The parrot reminds me of crows in my neighborhood, but also my chihuahua, Coco. He’s so bright and funny and needy. I try to communicate with him, and sometimes it works to talk, usually it works a lot better to send pictures to him. I talk a lot to the crows in my neighborhood. They look at me curiously, but I don’t really know if there is a connection.

As for the repair work: Yesterday I was doing some interior work/healing with crystals, and a couple different energies came to me: ruby, a quartz wand, emerald and lapis. This is how I associate these energies with the dream: The ruby reminds me of the red, fiery, mars energy of Coco, who’s always ready for the attack. The quartz wand seems associated with Kevin who is good at focusing energy, and also the tree branch, which also sends out energy like a wand, but is much bigger than its operator (the catbird). The emerald and lapis are colors of the peacock’s feathers, and my feather had two eyes instead of the usual one. I associate emerald with heart chakra, pure love and giving in a balanced way, the lapis I associate with purifying/the fifth chakra and grace. I also see Dee as an example of healthy generosity and loving.

I’ve been dreaming but, I haven’t had internet for the last week or so things have been very slow. Yesterday I went on a long walk down at Oaks Bottom, special marshy place. Got to see lots of a awesome bird action. Hawks and an eagle, sitting rather far away, so not sure if it was an immature or a golden. Also saw osprey in their nest and and many many herons, and a wide array of little birdies. I actually went out because my sister in law told me she had seen a screech owl and a barred owl sleeping in the trees there earlier. I wasn’t so lucky in the owl department, but had an awesome time nonetheless.

Dream: (a couple nights ago)
I am inside sitting on the floor cross legged, I am looking out a wide opening in the wall. Reminds me of a Japanese house with the wide doors and big porches. I see a kettle of birds rising. They are in a loose tornado like formation. Mostly there are bald eagles, but I see a sitting swan (representing grace and faith in the future) rising up with them. I look closely and see a eagle that has morphed from a sea gull into what looks more like a white tailed eagle. (There are lots of sea gulls here in Portland.) I watch as the eagle gracefully flaps his wings. As he’s flapping he brings in the tip of his left wing to his beak and blows me a kiss. I am so happy just to see the birds and then very delighted when he gracefully blows me a feather kiss. I try to take some pics of the birds, but fail to get anything. Then later I see two large mountain rams (I think) sitting in an adjacent room looking out at me and a group of people. They are very large and hairy and and a soft rust color. I am sitting right in the doorway and try to take pics but people keep leaning in front of me with their point and shoots and blocking my shots. I ask this lady to give me a little room, and she gets pissed and asks why I should have space. I shy away.

The night before this dream I was doing some tarot and used my eagle feather to help me out and asked eagle for help seeing the bigger picture. I felt the energy strongly and felt that I finally understood a bit more about how to ask for help from the animals. Thank you Eagle!

So while I didn’t get any pics in the dream I did get a few at Oaks Bottom. Here are the Osprey in their nest.

Dream: Getting ready to go on a group trip with some people I don’t recognize, particularly lots of guys. I sit down at a picnic table with some other people while we are waiting for our ride (basically, i think we’re going to get on a yellow school bus). On the table there is a bundle of feathers from a small to medium sized bird. They are all pristine and are tied around the bottom. There is a long feather that is curved a bit, reminding me of the tails that point up when sitting. Then there are some other smaller feathers and some down all included. They are gray with some small white stripes. It reminds me a bundle of feathers I found that included feathers of all sizes from a woodpecker (gray with more stripes), this feather bundle I found was not tied but connected from coming out of the bird at the same spot.
I ask the leader about the feathers. He is a middle aged man with a large pot belly, he is dressed in a plain light blue tee-shirt and looks a little on the dumpy side. He says that they appeared to this other guy on the trip, he says it all kind of flat, “not someone you really think would be a bird person”. The guy is a little strange and rough around the edges. It’s curious why he left them on the table.

Dream: I go to France and swim in a huge river. Normally humans don’t go there, it is filthy and suitable only for turkey vultures. I see little down feathers on the water’s surface and it does look obviously gross, rather than just polluted.
I am then in the airport to go home. I had trouble getting my ticket but Erica (sister in law) has found one for me at the last minute. The airline worker at the check-in asks me if I travel often. I say yes, I have recently been on a couple in country flights and then to France, and India, and back to France–not to mention that I keep ending up in airports, on flights and traveling in my dreams. I notice that she is looking at the computer and it says “bereavement flight” and she is suspicious. I walk through to the security check. I have several tickets but none are quite right. I finally put one in with the wrong name on it and it works. No one is there to confirm it is me. I walk towards the terminal now and a airport worker walks up beside me, and holding my hand says: how could you have tried to get a flight for the death of your mother? Now don’t say anything when you show your coins and people pick your pockets, that is just how it is done in our culture. She is obviously very pissed that I got a flight deal for a death that didn’t happen. I wonder if that is how Erica got the flight. Even though I asked for her help it wasn’t my intent to do anything of the kind.

I’ve been reading about feather magic from Ted Andrews and going back into my feather collection. I’ve also been noticing more feathers in my walks. Before I just liked touching something that had been up, but now there is more of a potential to use the feather as a tool.
Quote from “Son of a Witch” during Liir’s first flight: “He circled the Emerald City, afraid if he landed he would return to being slightly dead. How could anyone live without flying?”

Getting closer the swallows, and figuring out how to shoot them, they move so fast, especially compared to my usual subjects. When I was out at Lake MacBride visiting the swallows, I found all these beautiful feathers on the ground. There were many more that were not as nice. I didn’t get a look at the birds living nearby, and have no idea what species they come from. But perhaps if I find enough they will be in the next set of Fly Awake souvenirs.
Here is one of the souvenirs from my last show. An old glass slide mount with part of a chest x-ray in it, to hang in the light. Some had turkey feathers and some drawings of an ear (with “wake up” instead of “fly awake”). They were free at the reception.