fly awake

7/13/10 Dream:

I am in a rather mundane science class about space travel/astronomy. Interestingly the teacher spends some time discussing how an astronaut began making art during his trips. The teacher described the artist’s process at length. The process involves taking parts of electron/micro scans of dark matter and piecing them together to make a larger abstract picture. It was fascinating to hear, but he did not speak about the meaning/significance behind the pieces. I tell the teacher that I appreciated the discussion–it made the subject more interesting.

We have to take a 42-50 question multiple choice test. There is an opportunity to write an essay for extra credit. I take the test, guessing many times. I’m think I will get a B- or a C+ before the extra credit. I have two ideas for the essay. I end up writing about the three artists I am aware of who became artists because of their space experiences. One woman (not sure what her art is like), the man who paints using moon dust, and the man described in our class who makes the scan pictures.

My handwriting is sloppy and I end up writing on scraps of paper because I run out of space on the test paper. I write about the uniqueness of the experience–the absolute emptiness, quiet, the vision of our home planet–and their complusion to create and communicate. How these artists are outsiders because they are extremely square (being lifelong scientists) who are compelled express themselves creatively. They are outside the community of scientists and the community of artists.

I’ve written a page and a half so far and I’m not done. Everyone is gone including the monitor (the teacher left a while ago). The bell sounds. I think about tracking down the teacher and giving him what I have. I haven’t completed my point yet.  I decide to keep writing. My pen runs out but I find another one that works. I hope he can read my scrawls. I decide to continue writing.  Writing after the bell, and coming towards my conclusion, makes me excited.

I write, “In Carl Sagan’s book ’Contact‘, when the astronaut is faced with a new experience of space she is awestruck, and exclaims: ‘They should have sent a poet.’ Perhaps experiences of cosmic proportions are enough to awaken the artist in us, or a realization of the necessity of creative communication.” I mean to continue: “For the reason of its profoundly inspiring affects I feel there should continue to be space travel, perhaps including artists who can help tell the story.”

Wake:

This dream was interesting to me. It was a bit atypical, as I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about science and space. There have been recent cuts to the space program which, in the waking time, I support.  I feel like the money could be spent other places to have a much more positive effect on daily life. In the dream it seems so clear that the inspiration of space travel and discover is elemental to our wellbeing–our sense of hope and awe. This dream also happened right around the time of the dream group article coming out. It made me think about how most of the articles about dreams that I have seen in the last year or so have been scientific in nature and often belittle the content of dreams. They acknowlege their necessity for health and well-being, but not that they may have more significance. I think these articles are important though because they still make people think about their dreamlife and perhaps the dream group article would not have been written without the other articles preceeding it.

Science is seen as the authority, the truth. If scientists and artists worked together, telling two sides of the same story, they could be seen as supporting each other, not as opposing each other. Scientists could show their objective version of the experience (of space, or dreams, or whatever) and artists could show their subjective experience. It could be a validating collaboration, rather than a dichotomy for their work to be seen side by side.

This dream also came just prior to picking up the book, ”How the Universe Got its Spots” from the library. I’ve just begun, but it looks like it will be a good creative read on things cosmos.

Dream (3/29): I am in a top floor room–the walls are white and slanted towards the top–the light is tungsten/yellow. I’m standing with Hitler’s brother. He has him–a semi-conscious Hitler–tied to a chair facing away from us. I thought that Hitler was dead. For that matter, I thought his brother was too! Being so close to evil is making me uneasy. Hitler’s brother wants me to write the bible verses: “The Lord is my shepherd”, and the next line after that (”Lord hear my prayer”?), above his knees. Very uncomfortable to be interacting with Hitler. I pick up my special black marker and write “the Lord is my shepherd” in nice script above Hitler’s left knee. I look up to find Hitler standing where his brother was.

“Ha! It’s a fake! They’re fake,” he says, gesturing to a box full of tubes, “He’ll never get me.” The tubes are ‘fake knees’ that have been written on. Hitler’s brother has replaced Hitler and is now tied in the chair, semi-unconscious, looking like a prop. Apparently his brother has been trying to pull something over on Hitler for a while. Hitler has a tube in each hand.  I have to get out of there. I grab the cardboard box containing the rest of the fakes. I wish I could get all of them, but realistically, I must protect my life. I run out the door, into the next room which has two fires in it. I go to the closest fire and start putting the tubes in it. One tube is too long and I am having trouble getting it into the fire. I say to myself, “This is a dream–now bend”, it bends and I get them all in the blaze. I run out the door and find myself at the top of a stairwell.

I am excited about this because I am good at stairs in dreams. I love to do big jumps down them. I do this for a flight or two, but it is not fast enough.  I try a new technique, I put my big toe on the railing and slide down to the next landing. This is awesome. I go down an extra flight of stairs because it is so fun.

It is time to exit the stairwell. I jump over the partition, run by a woman, and out into a small hallway. One direction shows me I am in a large building, like a hotel, there are many people there and I am worried that people will see me, and that Hitler will catch up with me. The other option is a door to my left. I go through the door and down a few steps into a large room with no furniture or drapes. It reminds me of a dance studio. It is not well lit–most of the light comes from the two large windows (moon light and street lights coming through). There is a woman in the room. She is eying me as I run across the room to check the windows for an escape. My running is slow dream running–I say, “this is a dream, I will run fast now,” and I do. The windows are both locked. I think about breaking them to escape. I run back across towards the door I came in through. The woman says something about what I am doing–she’s suspicious of me. There is another door, a door to the outside. I fly across the room to it. Surprisingly the lock is loose and the door opens. I am outside now, still flying. On the grounds there are a couple large trees. I fly between the branches of closest one. The lower branches are as big as trunks. I wish to land there and be with the tree. Floating up I manage to grab on to one of the smaller branches higher in the tree. I lay on my tummy straddling the branch. The branch below me is so beautiful with patches of orange and green lichens and mosses. I want to take a picture, but I don’t think it will come out–the light is dim and orange from the street lights.

I take a step back mentally. I haven’t really seen Hitler since I left the room. I need to let go of my fear and commune with this amazing tree out in the calm, cool night. I start to relax, breathing in the night.

Wake:

This was a nightmare related to being overheated. I like several things about this dream. It seems like it is easier to become lucid in a nightmare because there are many tip-offs that you are dreaming, like: scary situations, having difficulty performing simple tasks and dream running. Plus, you’re scared and that is motivation to change situations, whereas you might not want to change more pleasant dreams.

I have not been thinking about Hitler lately.  What I was thinking about: Last night I was working on an essay about the importance of language in manifesting reality. One point being that saying directly what you want is an excellent technique. I use that technique in the dream a couple times. And Hitler’s brother is perhaps hoping to use that by editing Hitler to ask for God’s assistence on his knees.

It seems like Hitler’s brother wants to redeem him, by making him pray on his knees–a prayer admitting and requesting God’s help.  Incidentally it looks like Hitler had three brothers, but they all died within the first few years of their lives. Apparently he only had one sibling that he would have known, a sister who outlived him. (Some people think that Hitler didn’t die, regardless I bet he’s dead by now.) Somehow Hitler one-ups dream brother every time–he is not interested in redemption. I wonder how helpful it is if you are coerced into redemption.  The evil is thick in the room, it really did not feel good. The right thing to do seems to get rid of the fakes. Does it lessen his evil power to have his past successes at evading God taken away? It feels more like Hitler’s brother is casting spells of surreptitious goodness and Hitler is casting spells back at him.

I know I am dreaming many times, though I still am engaged in the nightmare until the tree.  I get lucid three times: 1. fireplace 2. running 3. (most importantly) letting go of my fear in the tree.

The bible reference I found thanks to Google: Psalm 23. I’ve been to church now and again throughout my life, but was raised with more Eastern philosophies. Number 23 (a special number to me) is an awesome psalm and very apt I must say. It certainly deals with holding fast to God in the presence of adversity and evil. Not happy to be in Hitler’s presence but, at least I am trying to elevate him/connect him to God. Remembering God in the face of evil. Asking evil to remember God in the face of itself. If only I had been able to live inside the words of the psalm “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil” when kneeling before him and painting on his knee. Then I would have felt the peace in my heart that I began to realize at the end of the dream. That was more of a “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters” moment. Much easier to be at peace in a peaceful situation.

………….later

I knew some piece of information was missing so I didn’t post right away. Last night (3/30) I dreamed of crossing the deserts using hawthorn (heart opener). I was beginning to suspect something religious was going on. My buddy Rachel called and informed me that last night was Passover. This lent new light to the dreams. So it seems to be a reference to Judaism (unfortunately making much more sense now with the Hitler thing). Is this a dream about forgiveness or facing our fears in order to redeem the worst parts of ourselves to find release? Unfortunately dream Hitler appears to have evaded transformation/redemption. Although maybe I slowed him down by getting rid of his fake knees (false prayers?). Still, by the end of the dream, I am closing to the essence of psalm 23. Releasing my fear and being with nature/God. So…despite this coming in the form of a wretched nightmare, it is a beautiful message of God as savior and guide.

Dream: I am flying like an owl! I lift up my arms in waves like owls do and my head points forward. I am not an owl, but my arms move like an owl moves its wings. I am outside above some green, flying at shoulder height around a few people. I waver a couple times, but manage to remember how to stay aloft and keep going. I fly a short distance and see a large owl feather about 20 feet in front of me, near a woman’s head. It is huge and I am very excited that I have only just started flying like an owl and already this feather has popped into my life.

I fly closer. A man is standing next to the woman, and her boyfriend is across from her closer to me (as I fly by him). The two men are positioned across from each other like you would be to play catch. They are somehow using the feather as a lure for hunting or something. I stand in front of the woman and see that this approximately 16 inch long feather is attached to her right ear.

I tell her I like the feather. She says something like, “Yeah, thanks, it’s cool isn’t it?” I say, “Let me be more clear: What do I need to do to get you to give me that feather?” She thinks for a moment and says, “Make me a scout troop 023 hat.” “Oh, 23,” I’m thinking, “that’s a good number.”

I get right on it. I’m home at my desk making the scout hat. It’s an old army green cap.  I’ve already printed out the patches for the numbers from the internet. Still I have a few more finishing touches to do.

Wake: I am so excited to be flying that I forget that it is a dream. Everything is very good–the flying, the feather, the number 23 (my fav), that I can attain what I desire. This dream was such a relief, the last week I have been over heated and stressed and have had more than my share of nightmares and stress dreams–oy vey! Finally a dream that was uplifting so to speak. There are a couple things that intrigue me: 1) men using the feather (attached to girlfriend) as a lure and 2.) owl, which I love, but can also signal deception. I’ll have to be watching, in an owl way, to see what’s going on under the surface. The silent killers are my friends.

(About a month ago) Dream: It is night time. I walk into the woods. I look up into the trees and see some birds. Ah! One is an owl. He turns his head around to see me. His feathers are black. His body is barely there. Mostly feathers and feet and a head. The feathers hang loosely and are dull. I look up at it and ask how it is to be a silent feather. I am very excited, my eyes are wide. The owl swoops at me silently three times, he looks straight at me while he silently swoops.

Wake: It was so nice to see owl again, but I think the owl was so thin because I have not been thinking of my friend and ally lately. For a while I meditated on owl and felt the silent feather action. But need to continue to tune into owl’s hum.

Last night dream: I am 12 years old, sitting in a meadow. A man is with me, the situation becomes uncomfortable, I worry. I group of barn owls, with their moon faces, lands in the grass near me. They are my protectors.

Wake: Owls are sometimes feared because they are silent and can see in almost all directions. Owls have much to teach us. I love how they can hear what is going on beneath the ground, find what they are after and obtain it, all in the darkness, all quiet. They are teachers of clairaudience. They can tell us when we are being deceived.

Dream:

I am coming into a large old building, like a court house or a college building. There are lots of people. A girl is with me, I am a step ahead of her. We go up the stairs, I take them two or three at a time. She tries to keep up with me and complains to me that I am cheating and using magic. I insist that I am not, (I’m not even flying!). It’s very easy to go up the stairs, effortless and fun.  I go down the wide hall ahead of me without her. There are people walking around.  I go to the end of the hall to a small room across from the office of a man I know vaguely. The room appears to be empty, without closing the door I throw myself into the room, head first, like a bullet (flying) and spin my body and land. I do this a number of times in different ways. It’s challenging and exhilarating.  Different flying tricks. Then I see that there are actually three or four girls in the room. They are crashing there secretly and were covered with rumpled blankets so I didn’t see them at first. I back out of the room, and see the man I know coming out of his office. He smiles at me. We walk out together.

Wake: I think this dream is interesting, because I do some flying things that I regularly enjoy in flying dreams, but I also do these new tricks. I always like how easy stairs are in dreams. Stairs are a bit of work in the waking time for me, I do like to play on the stairs a bit, but there is always a bit of work and a bit of danger (my home stairs are slippery). In dream time they are always fun and playful. The thing about this dream that I would transform is the sense of having to hide the magical play I want to engage in, that and not being able to find a private space. I guess the man is one person in the building that seems comfortable.

Dreams:

2/6/09

1. Time traveling with Kevin, a la Lost. We go to different times without our controlling it. We go to a cafeteria where there is a craft fare. I am hoping this is the future, because things that should be $5-10 are $30. We run out the back hand in hand. Someone is after us. When we get to the jungle gym, she has exited the building behind us. I fly, but Kevin runs. Somehow he is always a little ahead of me in his running and he is has a very steady pace. Whereas my running is smooth and exhilarating for a short time and then I get tripped up, and have to start refocus.

I wake before we are caught.

Wake: Time traveling is not much of a surprise, because we did just watch Lost the night before. What intrigued me most was Kevin’s running. I realized that running is difficult in dreams because we try to take our bodies with us. Next time I am dreaming and trying to run I must not try to bring my body–I am free when I dream simply because I do not have to take my body.

2. I am in love with a vampire who lives in my building. My friend likes him too, although she is not cool enough for him, and I think he likes me. Still, I feel like I need to compete with her, and I don’t like that.

Later at night I fly out along the street behind our large dark brick apartment building. I love the dark and cool of this night. I see an angel a down the street. I can see her halo. It is beautiful. I fly up to her. I tell her, “I could see your halo from all the way back there,” gesturing back where I came from. She is busy making out with a young lesbian to make her feel better about her sexual identity. She is a Jewish angel.

I see my mother down on the street, and I really want to chase after my vampire, so I bring Coco down to her. She’ll take him home. I fly off to find my vampire, he’s far from here now.

Wake: Higher beings helping us to come to terms with ourselves. Even seeing this being done for someone else makes me feel better about myself. As in, yes it is okay to be you, exactly as you are.

3. My two friends Laura, from childhood, meet and they actually have a lot in common. I wake up from this dream and I go to tell Scott about it. I show up and he’s in the bathroom. He peaks out and sees me. He looks a little embarassed to come out. I go into a little room on the edge of the room. This tiny room has glass wall on top–it reminds me of an office inside an old library. I go in there to give him space to come out. The room is full of my stuff. It calms me to be around my old fractal game and other relics of my mind. My being in there also takes the pressure off Scott. He comes out and I start to talk to him. Almost immediately other people come in and interupt. It seems like it’s always this way with him.

Wake: I love this little library within the library. That’s how it feels to me. A little personal library inside a more public one.

Although it is not obvious from the themes in these dreams, (well maybe from this room in 3), but there was a general sense of gathering myself inwards. It seems like I have been spread out–in my relationships, and at work–and because of this I have not been following my heart as much. The dreams seemed to be about defining myself as myself. A little vague, I know, however I think these ideas will become more concrete soon enough.

2/9/09

Dream:

1. Something is going on in the building I am staying in. A lady who is kind of a friend/acquaintence to me decide to do some dry run military thing in my area. My friend and I leave before things get crazy. I run, easily and freely and fast. The best is when I skim down the stairs–I love doing this. We get out onto the street and that lady drives by. She acknowleges us with a nod. We run a bit further.

Wake: I was a little hot during when I woke up. Which usually accounts for scaryish chase dreams. But I love how I remembered to run! Success!

2. I go with my brother and my friend Nicole to see Ma. We are in a church and Ma is wearing a blue satin nightgown with lace at the top. Ma has made onion sausage fryed balls. My brother is practically salivating over the balls. I am shocked to see them. Then Ma makes some fake (no meat/no onion) balls.

Nicole mentioned she tried to find other DYC people on Ravelry and didn’t have any luck. That seems strange to me, because I can think of several knitters. We go up for prasad and darshan and Ma is giving everyone a ball and/or a hairy, silvery peapod. I tap one of Her murtis with my toe by accident. I bow down to them on the ground to appologize and show my respect. When I do, I feel energy pouring into my head.  I go to Ma and She gives me a hairy, silvery peapod. I try to step around some pillows and She helps me because I am so nervous that I will do the wrong thing. She acts annoyed with me.  I go sit and I am not too worried about it–everyone gets annoyed sometimes.

Wake: The sausage/onion balls for my brother, and the nightgown and church for Nicole. They make me think of all the times I have seen Ma do something to love someone as they are, helping people worry less, or in some way compassionately easing their burden. Like when I saw Her sneeze really loudly into the mic when someone had been sneezing very self-consciously for a while. So, even though my brother is a meat eater and Ma is not, I see Her meeting him halfway.

This dream and the Jewish angel dream remind me that God loves you where you are, and will meet you there if your heart yearns strongly.

Two fish dreams lately:

1. (a week or so ago) An eagle flying through big blue sky, while carrying a large fish.

2.  (last night–gallactic activation portal)My brother guides me to the river. He jumps down about 4 or 5 feet into the swiftly moving water. As I jump in, a salmon jumps over a waterfall/dam that we are just beyond. I watch, wondering how he will reenter the water. He turns so that his sharp, (or narrow,) top part of his back, slices the water’s surface and he enters easily. When I jump in the water is much more shallow that I thought it would be, only a couple feet. I think I should be able to fly along the river because the salmon can. I don’t seem to be able to. I crouch so that the dark water will cover most of me. My brother is swimming ahead of me so how.  We swim along the river and end up at a party with a lot of people from our home town. I see people from high school and college.  I find myself happy to see the different people.  My friend Dee offers me a large can of beer. I tell her I don’t drink. She seems a little at a loss as to what to do after that.  The colors are warm and lively–lots of browns, like the earth and trees.

Awake:

I took the first dream as a good omen. I was happy to see the eagle, and I figured the eagle must be happy too, with his catch. The second dream was a good one. In waking time my brother is afraid of water. He used to swim in triathelons, but finally he decided it was okay that he didn’t like water. In the dream he seems to be doing just fine in the water. Since the water rules emotions and my brother guides me back to the past, I think that this is related to our family and youth. I recently took a trip to Chicago to see my mother and go to a family wedding. It was a challenge to be with my mother. My brother recently started talking to my mother after years of refusing to talk to her. My mother’s birthday was a few days ago and she told me that he sent her a funny card. I wondered how he could do that (thinking of my recent frusterating interaction with her).  The dream offers me two sources for dealing with these waters. One is my brother. Perhaps after his long separation from my mother, he now has a perspective on things that may be helpful for me. The second is the salmon. Salmon teaches about inner wisdom, and staying centered in the midst of strong currents. Salmon also teaches how to gracefully return to where we came from. Challenges aren’t hardships, they are new adventures and lessons. Finally my brother is going back to where he came from. As I do too, I must remember to stay inspired by life, and not feel so wrecked by difficult situations.

Last night I had a nightmare. Actually it was a great dream that just happened to have a nightmarish overtone, few of us truly enjoy the threat of imminent danger. I really liked the dream because I did lots of flying. I flew up and down, I flew to the sea, and then along a tree lined streets.  I touched my toes down on the tiny branches here and there, leaping gently to the next tree.  I felt light as a feather and connected to the air element. Unfortunately there was a nasty man following me, and he also could fly. He caught up with me after a bit and then I was in his captivity for a while. Then I chop somebody up. I escape, carrying the pieces of his body in a yellow pages bag, since I don’t know what else to do with the remains. I look at a map and plan my trip down the east coast and back to New Mexico, that I will be taking in my dream trailer. Okay, the parts I liked were the sea, chase/flight, map and dream trailer–I guess I can deal with a little murder if I can have that kind of stuff too.

None of that really matters, the important thing about this dream it that it reminded me of my friend Rachel. She was in town last week and she asked me about nightmares, if I had them, and what you could do about them. So here are some ideas and techniques related to nightmares:

1. Often it is easier to realize that we are dreaming when we are in nightmare. We’ve been down this road many times before, it’s that same old feeling of running very slowly, or falling, etc. This is an excellent opportunity to switch into lucid dreaming. Quickly think of anything that you’d rather be doing and do it, or alter the situation somehow, so that you are not terrified. Maybe you could turn knives into roses, or maybe you will just come to a stand still and repeat mantras, or connect with your favorite version of the higher power how ever you like. This can be difficult when you are having a nightmare. Sometimes the best thing to do is just wake yourself up as soon as you have an inkling you may be dreaming.

2. Nightmares can arise from being too hot. If you wake up from a nightmare and are overheated, take off a blanket, but also try sleeping on your back. Sleeping on your back is very helpful with heat nightmares, it is not a 100% guarantee against nightmares, but it very often will do the trick, try it if you are worried about slipping back into the nightmare.

3. Confront your demons. Try this when you’re dreaming if you are able to. If not then try it sometime during the waking time. Get yourself into a quiet, meditative space, close your eyes and go back into the dream. Visualize yourself in the dream as the events unfold in your memory, this time, instead of running away from your demons, turn around and face them. What happens?

For a while I kept dreaming of being chased under water by a big scary dog. When I turned and faced him in meditation he turned out to just have rough edges–really he was pretty nice dog. See what happens with you, maybe your demon has some qualities that you could use. Are they stronger or tougher than you? Maybe if you make friends with your demon you can assimilate some of their good qualities just like you would with a friend in the waking time.

Here’s a link that has some suggestions for dealing with nightmares:

http://www.mothernature.com/library/bookshelf/books/21/163.cfm

Terry, looking “bleh”, for lack of a better word. It’s tough going, but at least I am now confident in my decision to totally dismantle Terry. The trailer is very rotten, but the metal frame isn’t. Funny thing about metal, very rot-resistant.

Actually we are picking up speed on the project and, more importantly, the dream of the trailer is getting clearer. Both the interior and exterior of Terry’s future are congealing in my mind.

Haven’t had many flying dreams lately, but a few, and as always, tricking myself into thinking that I am awake. On a brighter note, my friend came over for group meditation for the first time. Afterwards, she told us that she had had her first flying dream since she was eight that night. When she had trouble during medition she recalled the dream and it helped her meditation.

Dream:

We get cheap plane tickets to Seattle for our honeymoon. It seems so exciting–Seattle–I see the word and it looks shiny. On the way there,   our friend tells us that we have smuggled some animals from the zoo. They are in the cabin with us. There is a big cat, and I think there are more coming, maybe a penguin. He lets us in on what we have apparently co-conspired to do. I open my mouth to object, but we all fade out. He tranquilized all of us.

We wake up and now we are not far from Seattle, maybe an hour. Everyone is waking up in reverse order of how big they are. Of course, he is awake, since he put us all to sleep. Then the smallest wake. I am nervous at first about the cats waking. I come to see they are not dangerous at the moment–here on the plane. I sit on a couch. All but the biggest of cats are awake. I am still scared about them, but able to interact with the cats. Next to me, is the cougar, in front of me on the floor, demanding pets from me, is a lynx, and jaguar with soft eyes. They get nervous if I don’t pet them. The cougar, is tough though, he doesn’t seem to need the constant attention. Even though I am surrounded by big cats, (there are no penguins,) no one wants the lion in the next room to wake up. I think the man is keeping him more tranquilized. Still he could wake up at any time.