fly awake

Dream: I am flying like an owl! I lift up my arms in waves like owls do and my head points forward. I am not an owl, but my arms move like an owl moves its wings. I am outside above some green, flying at shoulder height around a few people. I waver a couple times, but manage to remember how to stay aloft and keep going. I fly a short distance and see a large owl feather about 20 feet in front of me, near a woman’s head. It is huge and I am very excited that I have only just started flying like an owl and already this feather has popped into my life.

I fly closer. A man is standing next to the woman, and her boyfriend is across from her closer to me (as I fly by him). The two men are positioned across from each other like you would be to play catch. They are somehow using the feather as a lure for hunting or something. I stand in front of the woman and see that this approximately 16 inch long feather is attached to her right ear.

I tell her I like the feather. She says something like, “Yeah, thanks, it’s cool isn’t it?” I say, “Let me be more clear: What do I need to do to get you to give me that feather?” She thinks for a moment and says, “Make me a scout troop 023 hat.” “Oh, 23,” I’m thinking, “that’s a good number.”

I get right on it. I’m home at my desk making the scout hat. It’s an old army green cap.  I’ve already printed out the patches for the numbers from the internet. Still I have a few more finishing touches to do.

Wake: I am so excited to be flying that I forget that it is a dream. Everything is very good–the flying, the feather, the number 23 (my fav), that I can attain what I desire. This dream was such a relief, the last week I have been over heated and stressed and have had more than my share of nightmares and stress dreams–oy vey! Finally a dream that was uplifting so to speak. There are a couple things that intrigue me: 1) men using the feather (attached to girlfriend) as a lure and 2.) owl, which I love, but can also signal deception. I’ll have to be watching, in an owl way, to see what’s going on under the surface. The silent killers are my friends.

(About a month ago) Dream: It is night time. I walk into the woods. I look up into the trees and see some birds. Ah! One is an owl. He turns his head around to see me. His feathers are black. His body is barely there. Mostly feathers and feet and a head. The feathers hang loosely and are dull. I look up at it and ask how it is to be a silent feather. I am very excited, my eyes are wide. The owl swoops at me silently three times, he looks straight at me while he silently swoops.

Wake: It was so nice to see owl again, but I think the owl was so thin because I have not been thinking of my friend and ally lately. For a while I meditated on owl and felt the silent feather action. But need to continue to tune into owl’s hum.

Last night dream: I am 12 years old, sitting in a meadow. A man is with me, the situation becomes uncomfortable, I worry. I group of barn owls, with their moon faces, lands in the grass near me. They are my protectors.

Wake: Owls are sometimes feared because they are silent and can see in almost all directions. Owls have much to teach us. I love how they can hear what is going on beneath the ground, find what they are after and obtain it, all in the darkness, all quiet. They are teachers of clairaudience. They can tell us when we are being deceived.

The night before last I had a dream that if I wanted to keep my job at the hospital I had to prove my knowledge by starting an IV on myself. I never quite succeeded and had a miserable time trying to poke myself.  Last night, before sleeping I went over my day and imagined everything went smoothly and successfully. I didn’t want to have any more dreams about such mundane crap. Here’s the dream I ended up having:

I am in a hospital room looking out the window, it is overcast. When I crouch down to bed height I see a tree filled with birds. There is a very large owl (in daytime!) and a raven. I wonder what kind of owl it is–I can see it so vividly it is surreal. The raven: I almost can’t believe it is a raven. I ask the person next to me “Is the bird with the feathers coming off the top of his beak really is a raven?–I have never seen one in Portland before.” There are actually a pair of ravens, magical partners, but they have the golden feet like bald eagles. They fly off, and now there are some beautiful gray, brown and white song birds I see often. Then there is a beautiful, large red-tailed hawk. So vivid–red-tailed hawk is a frequent visitor–I am delighted to see him.   The birds come and go–I am so happy I can hardly contain myself.

Wake:

All my favorite birds–raven=magic (bald eagle legs=experience of flying up into an eagle and only realizing it by the weight of my yellow legs hanging down), owl=workings in the darkness, hawk=clarity of direction, songbirds=delight. It has been so long since I have had a bird dream, and quite a while since I have seen large birds–they are not very common in the city–I miss them dearly.

In the hospital where I work most of the rooms have excellent views, the only problem is that, when the beds are low, the views only consist of sky (which is gray for the time being).  When I first started working there last summer I would notice baldies circling out the windows, (the hospital is between a river and Forest Park).  Perhaps it is time that I enjoy the gray view that the view affords, as well as the green grass and blooming flowers that are still very novel for me in the winter.

>>I also dreamed of finding reasonably priced super awesome places to potentially open up a magic shop with Kevin, as we would like to do in about a year. A pair of baldy-footed ravens.  An excellent night of dreaming.

Dream:

A friend of mine (a guy) and his friend (also a guy, but seemingly younger/smaller) tell me about how they’ve found an apartment. They’re staying in a house for five, with four rooms. They sound very excited about it. Really my friend speaks for both of them.

Later, I am away, as in a vacation. I find a place to stay for the night. A little rooming house. I over hear a lady ask the manager: “So, if I decide to stay a minute or two late (meaning 5:07) will I be charged extra?” The manager lady (somewhat begrudgingly) says no. Then she is talking to me and informs me the checkout time is 5. I understand this to mean 4pm, initially I thought it might be am, but that would be strange. I am pretty happy about this information, I hate having to rush early in the morning and carry my belongings with me around town.  I remember my friend Rachel stayed here before, and told me about the late check out time, but left early in the day anyway. I was sad that she left early when we could have hung out longer, but I understood that she had things to do.

The place is nice for a house. I am comfortable.  I am the only one around after being shown to my room. The other lady and the manager have gone. I decide to look around. Furnishings look to have been purchased in the late 70’s, but are well maintained. The furniture may be older, it is nice, but the bed coverings have those colors and materials. Nothing’s gaudy, they weren’t trendy when purchased, just of that era. I like that about the place, I wish more things were maintained instead of pitching and remodeling. Most of the rooms are very small like mine. There are only three bedrooms so far. The rest are common spaces, this is also nice, places to live in, as opposed to just using every scrap of space for renting rooms. Then I find the double room. I peak in. It has a full bed and a smaller mattress on the floor. It looks comfortable but sparse (like the rest of the place), somewhat institutional I guess. Every few moments as I am looking I realize there are people sleeping in the beds. I try to become more aware of this. I realize they are my friends (the guy and his friend). I find this comforting. I quietly back away and go to my room.

The next day I go down to the river for a festival or carnival of some sort. I walk on the boardwalk and see a variety of people. One asks me about Coco, I explain I didn’t want to bring him for this. I see a little chihuahua, I think it might be Chichi. I pick her up and smell her belly. It’s not her. I am a little disappointed.

I lean on the railing and look out over the river. It’s dusky, night is almost full, everything looks black and white. I see a very large owl flying down the river and into some woods that are off to my right in a small island.  It was a barred owl. I see a couple more owls, flying in the same direction. They are not all the same, but one is a barred owl. Then I see one flying towards me and off to my left. This one has a white moon face–barn owl! I had never seen a barn owl before.  I am in shock about how amazing it is to see the owls. They are so beautiful.

I want to take pictures of the owls. When I get out my camera they are gone. An eagle lands on a buoy to fish. I think maybe I’ll take his picture since the owls are gone. He does some funny things with his wings, like try to scratch his back–when he does, his color goes funny, sort of thin/transparent, and he doesn’t seem so real, like maybe he is not an eagle.

As I continue looking at him he is more like a person. He sits more like a man, and looks at me. He has an eagle beak. He is reddish, he has a long beard that goes from blond to red, or red to blond, it is hard to pin down.

He’s on the boardwalk now. As big as a big man, looking like a 6′4″ morbidly obese Native American man.  I ask to take his picture and he doesn’t seem to object, nevertheless he keeps shapeshifting in ugly ways. First he looks like an eagle. Then his beard is back. I have been trying to politely talk with him, despite his attitude being a little off-putting. I tell him that I like his beard. He looks down, as if to say, this is not a beard. I had been trying to figure out if it was a beard or feathers. At that moment, I realize it is made up of very fine peacock-like feathers, very wispy, and  very many.

Then he grabs a person walking by and poses for the camera like they are sloppy drunk people. Then he again looks huge and fat.  He sits in front of me, looking straight at me.  Just as I am about to take the picture, he turns his head over his right shoulder and vomits dark brown–he’s eaten too much. His vomiting makes me so sick that I turn and vomit over the rail. My vomit is light in color. I find this situation strange, as I do not normally get sick to my stomach. I turn back and finally take his picture. Then I think about how we both probably need to brush our teeth.

*****

This dream was very puzzling for me. It brought up some issues I have been thinking about regarding cameras and dreams and cameras and birds. I have a big internal battle between over respecting boundaries and knowing when things are no big deal. Here’s where I am siding for the moment: I think it is really important to take pictures of subtle things (like birds who know you’re watching) only if they seem okay with it, and your heart really wants it. I, on the other hand, have been doing a bit of casual shooting, kind of: ‘oh, I want to shoot owls, but I’ll take you since you’re around’. Not very respectful of the life form that happens to rank not so high at the present time. So that was a good lesson, especially since I have been working on my guide: Taking Your Camera into Dreamtime.

Let’s see, the dream also reminds me of a crappy movie I saw recently (the bed and mattress on the floor) and a particularly unsavory fellow that I ran into at work. I almost became lucid when I puked, as that is apparently even more unlikely than me standing in front of a shapeshifting eagle. Here’s to more lucidity in the future.

Dream:

I am talking to a coworker and hoping she will tell me stories about eagles. I am leaning on something in her direction.  Just  as an eagle flies into the scene, his golden feet trip on a telephone wire. This strikes me as odd, and I am a little disappointed.  I don’t get to hear any stories.

Ha. So actually last night I was talking to my coworker, hoping to hear owl stories. She was caught up on the computer with some drama (which doesn’t seem like her), so we didn’t get to talk. I hope to hear stories in the future.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the screech owls that live in the carousel, how their quietness is stronger for living in such a cacophony of carnival-goers. Magic at the carnival.

Dream:

I am on a wide cement path. About 15 feet ahead an owl lands on a cement planter on the left side of the path. I feel energy rush up through my chest. I am so excited! The owls wings follow him down as he lands. He has a rust chest and is otherwise gray. He has ear tufts and that typical scary owl face. I see his face looking at me. He is maybe a foot and half high.

I look back at the path and see the owl take off from a planter on the other side. I realize I was distracted. Again I feel so thrilled, my chest is filled with bubblies. So exciting to see owl.

Went to the carnival today with Kevin. I couldn’t believe it, but Mr. and Mrs. Screech are just going about their business, sleeping the day away in the carousel hut, never mind all the noises and kids running around. I got to look at them for a while and take some more pics. This time I realized just how small they really are.

Dreams:

1. I am standing on the back of an electric wheelchair–one of those ones that weigh a freaking ton. My friend is on the wheelchair too. We are flying through the evening sky, fairly low and fairly slow, but flying on a very heavy wheelchair nonetheless. We are going somewhere–maybe a knitting store, we are having fun.

2. I am with a bunch of people, going over hurdles as we’re being chased. Some of the hurdles are made from earth and living trees. There are birds and some lizards (a salamander, or a gecko?) in the trees. I see some of them as I go over the hurdles. It makes me happy. I half fly, half climb with my hands (like I am braiding roots and vines, not struggling myself over) to get over the hurdles that are 8-9 feet tall. I know that I am dreaming. Instead of waking up in the dream, I want to stay and find out what is going to happen, so I keep going. We are headed towards our very large liftoff/freedom chair. All eight of us will fit on it, blasting into the future, or outerspace, avoiding our pursuers. Coco is already sitting on the chair, next to where I will sit, he is chewing on something, or maybe cleaning his paws. There is a plastic bag in front of him on the ground with his poop in it. Just as I get to the top of the last hurdle I wake up.

I guess I did go on some pretty crazy chairs at the carnival: the spider and, for my first time, a roller coaster. I liked the spider the best. And a large electric wheelchair was a bit of an obstacle at work recently.

This week’s been a bit of a blur. Actually for a while things have been a bit blurry, from moving a little too fast. I’ve been working (job style) more than ever, which is kind of crazy, but I am getting used to it. Art is still happening, and lots of magic.

First of all, I was so happy to see that in addition to the hummingbirds there are a bunch of swallows living in my hood! I am a huge swallow lover, so very happy about this. For me the swallows are related to joyfulness, and the joyful elimination of pests. Also springtime and hope.

Earlier this week I did a reading with the animal medicine cards. The cards indicated that owl was my strong suit in the issue, but turtle was my downfall. So I thought I would do a little turtle work. I did a turtle exercise from Power Animal Meditations. Then I had a dream where I spoke with my friend Yandariel. She told me that she had done turtle exercises everyday for a week–not just one day, like me. I realized that if I really want to get in touch with the energy, it is probably going to take more than one brief visit to turtle.

I emailed Yandariel about the dream and she wrote back to tell me about the turtle living in her sandbox. She been hanging out with the turtle and feeding him everyday.

I think of the turtle as being associated with slowness, being very grounded and protected–having safety within yourself. Major mother earth connection. I think that in this situation patience is a major issue–with myself and with things out of my control. Also, nurturing myself through the earth would be good. Owl, I think of as being able to see in the dark, clairvoyance and clairaudience. Being in tune with messages/undercurrents. Being able to see the truth in the situation. Guidance to move silently through the quietest things and gain information.

I have been working on a photo of a dream involving owl/chicken owl. It has been going well and it’s fun. Each time I look at owl’s face, I get lost in it. Then yesterday, in the late a.m., I was sitting in the meditation room and I heard “Hoo, hoo, hoo,” like a great horned owl very close. Just once. Hmmm. I do love owl.

I go on a trek looking for Barred Owl. My sister in law has seen one. She tells me there’s one living in the carousel down by Oaks Bottom. She says there are two screech owls 1/4 mile down a trail, in a huge rotted out tree. I don’t know the trail. I go to the carousel but I can’t find Mr. Barred. I don’t see anything in there at all. I think he would be pretty hard to miss. But maybe I’ll check back later. I go and see what excitement might come to me today.

I park my bike by the marsh and it promptly falls over. I leave it there and look at the swallows and herons. I see a red bellied hawk, a vulture and a young eagle. I take my bike and park it by a trail. Maybe I will see this big old tree afterall. I walk the trail and then down to the marsh. I am kind of hidden, it seems like life is closer to me. A young eagle swoops to fish. He flies above me off and on, still carrying his snack. I have a snack. I keep thinking I should check for my cell phone. It’s not there. I think it fell out when my bike fell over. After a while I slowly make my way back to my bike to look for my phone.

I am about to unlock my bike and a lady rides up to me asking if I am Lily. I am. She has my phone. She called my brother and he told her about the owl. She wants to see it. We decide to go back to the carousel. Her boyfriend, Aaron, comes too. When we get there I still can’t see anything. Her boyfriend points out a screech. Here is the screech living in the carousel! The screech flies to the top of the inside. I can barely see, but am so excited. I want to take a picture, but it is way too dark. A carni comes up to us. He takes us behind the locked gate and shows us where the screech 2 is resting. Not 8 feet away. So excited! I get my picture (thank you owl!) and then we have to leave the gated area. We talk for a little while. They are friends of birds and from the midwest, too. What a strange path to take to meet the owl.

I’ve been dreaming but, I haven’t had internet for the last week or so things have been very slow. Yesterday I went on a long walk down at Oaks Bottom, special marshy place. Got to see lots of a awesome bird action. Hawks and an eagle, sitting rather far away, so not sure if it was an immature or a golden. Also saw osprey in their nest and and many many herons, and a wide array of little birdies. I actually went out because my sister in law told me she had seen a screech owl and a barred owl sleeping in the trees there earlier. I wasn’t so lucky in the owl department, but had an awesome time nonetheless.

Dream: (a couple nights ago)
I am inside sitting on the floor cross legged, I am looking out a wide opening in the wall. Reminds me of a Japanese house with the wide doors and big porches. I see a kettle of birds rising. They are in a loose tornado like formation. Mostly there are bald eagles, but I see a sitting swan (representing grace and faith in the future) rising up with them. I look closely and see a eagle that has morphed from a sea gull into what looks more like a white tailed eagle. (There are lots of sea gulls here in Portland.) I watch as the eagle gracefully flaps his wings. As he’s flapping he brings in the tip of his left wing to his beak and blows me a kiss. I am so happy just to see the birds and then very delighted when he gracefully blows me a feather kiss. I try to take some pics of the birds, but fail to get anything. Then later I see two large mountain rams (I think) sitting in an adjacent room looking out at me and a group of people. They are very large and hairy and and a soft rust color. I am sitting right in the doorway and try to take pics but people keep leaning in front of me with their point and shoots and blocking my shots. I ask this lady to give me a little room, and she gets pissed and asks why I should have space. I shy away.

The night before this dream I was doing some tarot and used my eagle feather to help me out and asked eagle for help seeing the bigger picture. I felt the energy strongly and felt that I finally understood a bit more about how to ask for help from the animals. Thank you Eagle!

So while I didn’t get any pics in the dream I did get a few at Oaks Bottom. Here are the Osprey in their nest.