fly awake

Here are two dreams from this week from opposite ends of the spectrum. In the end they are both positive, which underlines the importance of how we react to situations.

7/3/10–Dream

I am at the crossroads near our house. I have been thinking about how Shannon and I have been looking for a quiet place to meet, a park or green. We have looked for a long time and found little. Now I see, it is right here. The crossroads are filled with lush green grass that is about a foot high. A bird with a long white neck–a swan?–is moving through the grass.

A car comes through the intersection, it is very loud and I worry about the bird’s safety. After the car passes the bird is still there, but there is still noise–coming from the man hole, I think. I see the bird bobbing about. Another car comes and goes. The bird is across the intersection now. It rises to standing position and I see it has a smaller grayish white body–maybe it is an egret. The bird has a crystal pendent hanging around its neck on a very long chain. As she stands, she turns into a beautiful woman with long curly brown hair. She is wearing a simple dress. She has a very feminine body, but thin rather than round. She crosses the street to me–walking through the grass slowly. I am in awe of her presence and beauty. She is holding the ends of the chain with her arms spread wide as if to present the necklace to me. As she comes close I open my hands up to receive all she has to offer (not the necklace–I want to receive her), and say, “what can I learn from you?” I want her to know that I am receptive and show her my awe. When she’s only a couple feet away my eyes close in response to her energy. I don’t actually feel the necklace going on. I feel her vibrations strongly for a bit, then I begin to see pictures. I see little metal containers, about the size of lighters. They are handmade with different symbols on them. Inside are sets of tiny vials filled with liquids. Now I am in the living room/our future shop space. There are tiny white shelves mounted on the walls. Each one has one of the little metal boxes on it. This is a great idea for oils. Someone is hanging out and reading in the front room. There are some lavender and pink piles that need to be sorted out. We have to leave to do some errands. I tell the woman we are not really open for business yet (it’ll be a couple months), and we set out.

Wake: I loved this dream. I felt so blessed. First of all I was excited about a place to meet my friend Shannon, who is moving in a couple blocks away from me. There has been some tension between us, but this dream made me feel at ease about things.  This dream brought up some new ideas about the dream shop my husband and I are hoping to open in the fall/winter. I have mostly been thinking about dream and sleep teas and snacks, herbs, books and other literature. I love the magical quality of the little tiny bottles inside the handmade metal boxes. It reminds me of the dream and sleep oils I like to smell before bed. Shannon gave me one of my favorite ones (one that I sniffed right before the dream below). Shannon also once told me that she was a duck–seeming calm above the waters, but paddling away underneath. I wonder if she is a bit more majestic than that.

7/9/10 Dream: Someone has been behaving like Hitler. He is not Hitler. But there is violent discrimination, people are being shuffled into the dark cellar room. They have their heads covered as they run. I think, “It is only natural that we would feel fear and get caught up in this drama.” As I think this, he turns to me and sees me. He puts his arm up and out and our palms meet as I put my hand in the ‘fear not’ mudra. I immediately begin saying the protection mantras I was taught by my teacher. I concentrate intensely. After about the fifth verse everyone vanishes into a pale golden light.

Wake: Another Hitler dream. This has become the symbol of evil in my dreams. I used to have a lot of dreams with killing, but they didn’t really worry me so much–it was easy enough to see it as a metaphor. Hitler is more stressful for me. I tried to think of something this could be related to in the waking time–Arizona’s new immigration law came up, but there are many others. Most importantly, in the dream I am secure in the protection that my Guru has given me. I have used the protection mantras in waking time and in dreamtime many times. In waking time the mantras dispell negative energy and provide physical protection. In dreamtime they usually break the spell of the dream. There is so much negativity in the world. Some of it is very compelling, drawing us into a nightmare. For me it is important to remember that I participate in manifesting reality, (it is a group project,) and that projecting the most positive energy possible will do more than being drawn into a nightmares and nightmarish situations. This doesn’t mean that I think such negative situations should be ignored. It is an alternate way to react to the negativity.

Shannon’s oil blend “Medievel Mix” is what I sniffed before I went to sleep and had this dream. The oil contains dream herbs: lavender, thyme and rosemary. Thyme is good for nightmares. It’s funny because it seems like I have a bad dream whenever I take it, but somehow I have a really great attitude about the nightmare and get a lot out of it. So…I guess it improves nightmares, or perhaps helps process nightmares. It is purported to be great for kids with terrors. Lavender is good for insomnia, especially for sensitive people. Rosemary is for remembering and protection.

Well…a lot has happened in the last couple months. Major shifts in the waking time. Realizing the dream trailer was not going to happen any time soon, my husband and I bought a house. Our plan for the house it to make it into a dream venue…a place where people can come to share their dreams, interact lucidly, and do more commercial things, like purchase information, herbs and items related to dreaming.  It has been really awesome getting moved in and starting to paint the house and prepare to open shop–we’re thinking sometime between fall 1st, 2010 and spring 1st, 2011. The house has lots of beautiful garden space full of many awesome herbs and berries, and birds! I didn’t think I’d get to be close to birds in Portland but, here they are.
Today I was out walking my dog and I heard a couple crows screeching so, naturally, I screeched back. The pair came with me the rest of my way home as we cawed back and forth. It was great to make loud wild noises, and it was so nice to connect with the crows! It has been a while for animal connections, and it tells me I am in the right place.

Now that we are situated in our house, more dreams to come.

Our dreams have different roles, and different ways to teach us. I find that my dreams often provide me the reassurance of protection, love and hope that I may not see, or allow myself to feel in the waking time. Somehow these messages are very easily received while asleep, and yet awake, my fears and insecurities, or ‘rational thought’, obscures them. Dreams such as these serve as a reminder of the benevolence and support that we are forgetting/ignoring. We may take a lesson to endeavor to cultivate deeper relationships with such forces of good in other waking dreams.

On the other hand dreams can sometimes be filled with horrible fantasies or, even worse, metaphors of the unpleasant side of waking time. I tend to look at these dreams one of two ways (well…three). Either they are a wake up call saying, “Hey, are you the dreamer or the dreamed? Time to be lucid and make some changes.” Alternately, bad things may happen in the dreamtime so that you don’t have to experience them in waking. “Well…three”, being that sometimes we have wretched dreams because we are out of balance physically, for example: extremely violent dreams often occur when people are overheated.  I find it best to consider the dreams from various perspectives. Such as, if this dream is a metaphor for my life, or warning, I might do such and such. Or taken on more literal level it might mean… For example: I dream that I need to eat a kidney soaked in dandelion. Well, on one hand it might be suggesting that I need to do some work on my kidneys (water processing system/grief organ) which may involve taking dandelion which is both a strong diuretic and great for deep inflammation/anger, not to mention investigating the role of that organ and plant in my life, and what it would mean for me to eat meat. Or, on an even more literal level: perhaps it would be good if I eat some kidneys saturated in dandelion–getting both the meat and the dandelion (I am a vegetarian, and at the time I had this dream I had had others about eating meat).  Dreams act on many different levels, and I find it very helpful to write your dreams down, you may get a great first impression of a dream, only to look back with a year’s perspective to say, “Oh my goodness–that dream was about that thing I was thinking about, but…it was also so obviously about the loss of my relationship with X”.

Just as we have beautiful moments and nightmares in dreamtime, we experience similar highs and lows in the waking time. We can learn a lot by looking at our waking dreams with similar analysis. When faced with a frustrating situation we might ask ourselves, how am I contributing to this ‘nightmare’. Is my pride preventing me from turning this disagreement into a truce? Am I not willing to let go of something bad, and just walk away? How am I limiting this area of my life?  We can take hold of the reigns in a scary situation by manifesting changes through our intent. Rather than allowing our patterned reactions to govern us, we can instead envision our preferred outcome and how it would feel to experience this.  This act can change our feelings about what we think is possible, it can affect the situation physically, and/or it can improve our emotional take on the situation.  By using our intent and imagination, we can ‘dream up’ a preferred waking reality. Because the waking dream is more of a “group project” it may not entirely change the situation, but you may still be surprised by how much your intent affects your environment.

When enriching/spiritual moments occur, it is good to take note: how did my actions contribute to this happening and how can I encourage more moments like these to occur? Regardless of whether the dreams seem positive or negative they are filled with information, in a language written for the dreamer, that can help us to live a better life.  I have learned so many things from the guidance of my dreams: To ask questions of my environment, to interact more freely with animals, crystals, and herbs. To interact with things that scare me too. That it is possible to deeply connect with time and space. That these interactions grow oneness. We can use our intent to encourage these positive experiences as well. This is a way that we can practice lucidity in the waking time.

For the last three or four months I have been trying to find some Elderberry wine in the local shops. Yesterday I spoke with my herb instructor/olist and was feeling the plant energy strongly. Afterwards I ran to Fred Meyer’s to get some last minute avocados. After grabbing one, I wander, feeling a bit guided, into the wine area. It is not an area that I normally go to as I’m not a drinker. I will, however, make an exception/create an opportunity for an exception, if the alcohol is herbal. (I had some Wild Wines Lemon Balm wine last year, very heating and strong.) I found myself directly in front of all sorts of fruit wines. Hmmm…I asked myself, “Could it be…here in Fred Meyer’s of all places?” I look and look through all the bottles, and sure enough there is some crappy Manischewitz Elderberry wine. Oy vey! I know it’s going to taste like juice, but I am totally game.  I’m just hoping that the “artifical colors and flavors” that they so prominently advertise on the front of the bottle are not what makes it elderberry.

Later that night I drank a glass with a couple friends. It has been a long time since I drank regular wine, but it seemed more mellow, warmly expansive, and less of a bonk over the head than straight-up grape wine. It had a more subtle flavor than welch’s, although not too far off. And–yeah! for me–it did not give me the feeling that my limbs are falling off that I get from most alcohols, including a strong kombucha. I liked it, but very much look forward to trying some that is not so sweet. The let down from the sugar high was probably worse than the let down from the alcohol.

To add to the excitement of my super herby day my friends and I spent some time talking excitedly about nettles (but, how else can you talk about nettles–they are so exciting!). We’re planning a little nettle party, that will include, as I so eloquently put it in my happy tipsy state:  

‘I hope there will be beer making, soup, and that I get to flagelate people.’

Thank you to Martha Stewart, here’s a great Nettle soup recipe. I can’t wait to make it again. We’ll be experimenting on my balding friends to see if the nettles will bring back their hair.

Later that night I slept with my crystal for the first time in a while and at one point woke up with it by my left hip (it tends to wander to where it’s needed). I had visions of little children and babies all night long.  All in all making it was an exciting day and night.

Dream (1/12/10): I start a dream group with three or four people I vaguely know. I’ve brought my jug of Oregon Brandy and am drinking out of it. This really surprises me as I am not a drinker. My friend Nicole shows up and she’s got her brandy bottle too. One of the guy’s in the group is excited that I have “Oregon Red”–so he calls it. His wife is encouraging him to get the good stuff too, since it makes him excited. I say, “Oh, I like that, but actually I ran out and refilled it with Safeway stuff.” I shrug as I say this, as if the quality of the alcohol doesn’t really matter. His wife laughs at this. “Oregon Brandy is good,” I continue, “also there is a really good vodka…” I am trying to remember the name, but can’t. These are all good for tincture making.

A young man in the group helps Nicole. He is attractive with curly blondish brown hair. He comes over to her and drips the brandy on her third eye. I ask him to help me. He pours some into his hand and wipes it across my forehead. Nice.

At our second meeting a nurse I’ve hardly spoken to is there and a man in the group is taking over my lead and explaining the group to him. He’s not telling her the things I think she needs to know about how we tell our dreams, so I step in to redirect.

We go as a group to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s presentation on dream groups as ordained by the US government of health and somesuch. At first I am excited because the government is participating in dream work.  It is a show of naked men, women and children dancing and moving together. We are part of a huge audience. One by one members of our dream group stand to speak out against the show. They are ashamed of this portrayal of the dream world/work. One stands up in her night shirt. She speaks directly into the camera that is filming the event, as she puts on her sweats:

“Dreaming is not about feeling new things, or hearing new things, it is about seeing new things.”

Wake: Well, so many things. First of all I think the “Oregon Red” refers to the hawthorn berry tincture I made with brandy (Oregon brandy) that is a sleep/insomnia remedy. It is good for waking up in the middle of the night type insomnia. I have been taking it lately for other reasons. But I have also suggested it to a few people I know who have that type of insomnia. The way the man puts the tincture on our foreheads reminds me of the last time I was at my Guru’s. There was a big Shiva puja and we had ashes wiped on our foreheads. It was a healing ceremony.

The young man with the curly blondish hair seems like a plant spirit.

I have been planning on starting a dream group soon. One of the things I am interested in doing in the group aside from dreams, is spending some time meditating with plants that facilitate dreams and sleep. This dream brought up some ideas about the process.  It also brings up representations of dreams and manifestation in mainstream culture. Such as Men Who Stare at Goats, which I saw recently. At first I was excited that a mainstream movie was delving into these issues, let alone that the US Govt did, but ultimately both seem to treat the area of study with disrespect. The nudity and partially dressed people in the dream reminded me of the way people’s bodies often are when sleeping.

I really liked this dream and was very inspired by the way the herbal tincture, hawthorn or otherwise, was used in the dream group process.  I am also going to be contemplating the final statement: “dreams…are for seeing new things.” This statement reminds me of Calea.

A bit piecemeal, but here goes:

Dream (12/30/09):  I’m sitting in some sparse, wintery woods with a couple other people. We’re hiding. Some people are coming through the woods to get us. I am sewing poetry along the collar of a dress I designed (rusty red thread on a cream collar). It’s the start of a poem I’ve been working on. “Like as…” it begins.  I sense the people are getting closer. One of my comrades and I run away through the woods. We get round to the other side and I jump off the path into the thick just before they shoot him with a rifle. The enemies back off, and I step onto the path to see him. He’s dead, but a wolf with a hunchback comes to me from his body. I say, “Oh, good, you can help lead me to safety.”  The wolf seems uncertain of this. He’s thinking about going back to the place where I was sewing. I don’t think that’s safe. We run back on the path that led us to the shooting.  The poem keeps running though my mind. I keep thinking of it and working on it. Going all the way back doesn’t feel safe. At one point on the edge of the the woods  the path meets up with the back of someone’s dirty gold ranch house with chain link fence and dog. I think we can get through without the dog hearing us and attacking. I look at the wolf and scoot through the fence and make it through the driveway into the town. The town is old. All the architecture is 1800’s. I touch the curvy molding on a shop, it’s freshly painted–red and white. We run through the streets. My running is fast, but on some level I know I am dreaming and could just be gliding through the air. I run and run and run until I cross the train tracks and get to a motel. I go inside my room, still afraid that someone is after me. I crash on the polyester covered bed.  I wake after hours and am surprised to see the door ajar (not very safe of me). I go and close it and turn around to see that David has slipped through the door and is sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. He’s a bit hunched over. He reminds me of the wolf in his expression.

Wake: Here I am hiding in the woods from all the people I think are after me, crafting clothing and writing poetry. In the place I love doing all the things I love, only problem is that there are too many people and not enough woods. The poem reminds me of Shakespeare’s sonnet 118–starts off, “Like as, to make our appetites more keen…”–confession and getting sick off of preventative medicine (cathartic purging that seems downright sick). The wolf comes when my friend dies.  I think of him as a guide, but he doesn’t really guide me; we do go together. The gold house is very like a house in my childhood neighborhood. The kind of house that has been neglected for 20 years, and has a sketchy/dangerous vibe, bull dogs, etc. I associate the era of the old town with simpler times, which is appealing, although in the dream there wasn’t much feeling about it, just relief at so many fewer things to interface with maybe–no cars, computers, no people on the streets, etc. A motel is the logical place to hide. David…well, I just found out that my friend’s husband, David, joined the circus when he was younger. This changed the way I think about him. The circus reminds me of wolf people (loners in a pack). The expression of the wolf and David don’t really remind me of David. The woods remind me of the woods in Iowa that we used to live by. David and Dee are in Iowa. It’s almost like seeing this side of David makes me think twice about going back to Iowa. I am running from people and memories from Iowa in the waking time, though I yearn to be back in Hickory Hill Park. Dee sent me a Hickory Hill Calendar along with this exciting info about David. I look forward to hear the circus story some day.

Dream (1/1/10): I’m in a dark hall, with a bunch of people, we’re in line to see my Guru–Shri Dhyanyogi. When I am in front of the Guru, he tells me to draw an Om on my third eye. I am surprised that I remember how to do it–it’s in reddish orange ink. I go into a very deep meditation. I can hardly will myself to move. Guruji talks to the crowd, while I am sitting in front of him in my state. I am aware enough that I am blocking traffic, even though I really shouldn’t worry, just meditate. I eventually move to the side, which breaks my meditation. I think of poetry. I hear, “just write the Truth“. I also wonder about my meditations being not so great, and I hear, “soon”.

Wake: Poetry again, I think of my the falcon poem that I wrote for my Guru, but also of my Fly Awake installation that was meant to be poem-like in its construction. A poem you could walk into and feel, between the text and imagery I created. The dream seems like a reminder to organize my art in this way, while working aligned to the highest Truth. Also gives reassurance that my meditations, which haven’t been the best, will become infused with light again. A Day or so before these dreams, I smoked some Calea and asked for help with my art. With Calea I am not surprised to find dreams coming up long after the physical interaction.

Wake: Wow! Maybe I’ll smudge my apartment just to be on the safe side.  This dream was pretty awesome. I use sage and other smudges from time to time. I’ve read they remove negative ions from the air–with proper cross ventilation :). Rather than simply removing the negative spirit, it allowed me to see the problem and eventually release it. Sage is used medicinally for people in their later years–post menopause/post andropause (the spirit was old and gray). Reminding the spirit of God, by mentioning oneness, however inadvertantly, finally sent the spirit back to the soul.

I often wonder about the closeness of city living and apartment living. I wonder about all the people and spirits that have been their and are there, and how it affects us to be close.

I have a beautiful sage plant on my front porch of our apartment building that seems unhappy out there–perhaps it’s the abundant moisture and chillyness of Portland in the fall, or maybe some nasty spirits. I think it is time to bring it inside.

Dream (11/13) I walk behind 4-5 friends into a large building that is dark on the inside. There is a lady at the counter. I tell her that we came late yesterday and weren’t able to stay long. She understands and is happy to let us in without paying. Instead of going to the main room on the right (where we were the day before), our teacher takes us to a small room, just to the left. The main hall is full of plants, this room has three trees growing in it.  Our teacher walks around to the other side of the center tree. The room is cozy, but not tight. He says, “Check out this tree.” We look at the center tree. The sign says that it is 189,793 years old. The tree has small branches growing straight up from where the branches start–reminding me of Hawthorn. These small branches have been trimmed and the base of the tree has grown larger and larger. Though the tree is still medium sized, the base is very large, bulbous and twisted, like it has grown out rather than up. The light and dark (steele) gray striped bark curves around the tree.  People have their hands on the tree to feel its energy. I can feel them feel the tree and just how intense the tree is from where I stand a few feet away.  It certainly is old. I am a little leery of getting too close though I am aware I am in the presence of something great. I am tempted to just look at the tree to my right.

Wake: This dream was so exciting. The place seemed like a library for plants, like the Library of Knowlege, or a natural history museum of plants. The night before, I was working with Hawthorn a little–preparing some for a friend. For some reason this medicine which works through the heart physically and subtly, sometimes worries me. It seems mysteriously strong, even though it is a heart opener and seems so loving. Maybe that’s the scary part. In the dream it seemed to have an almost sinister edge to it. Even though I was nervous in the dream, I was so happy to go to the plant library and meet the tree. The teacher and students reminded me of Matthew Wood and some of my fellow students from the class I took with him this summer.

In addition to being a heart remedy, it has also been used for certain types of insomnia. I tried it the other night when I had woken in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I soon felt my heart soften and relax, along with my mind–which was way more active than I had realized. Aw, hawthorn, why do I question you?

Dream:

I am sitting at the dining room table, listening to a story. My plants are behind me in the window. I laugh during the story. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the plants wiggle up and down when I laugh, like they are full of laughter too. I turn to them and make a laugh, to see if they will do it, but they don’t. I have to be earnestly giggling, and then they giggle with me in their own way.

Wake:

This dream made me so happy. First of all it is always good to laugh, whether you are awake or asleep, it gives you a boost. Secondly, I just loved the plants laughing with me. It reminded me that I am interacting with the plants on a subtle level when I am not even thinking about it. It also encourages me to spend more time near my plants and share joy with them.

Meditating with plants has helped me understand them better. Here are some other people who do plant spirit meditations:

Alison Arnold in Asheville, NC

Scott Kloos in Portland, OR

Dream: I am picking up the piece of paper that says the most important herb on it. There are many small pieces of paper with the name of different herbs written on the down facing side. Many herbalist have been polled and this one is their choice. It’s Lady’s Mantle, Alchemilla vulgaris. I am surprised to see this.

Wake: Oh sweet Lady’s Mantle, how could I think that I didn’t need you anymore? Such a supportive and comforting plant. Excellent for yeast, polyps, prolapse, some fibroids, uncontrolled bleeding, anyone thinking of getting their lady parts operated on–and protective for those who do, protective of the yin, protective of women in dangerous situations. Not just for ladies, also excellent for mild diarrhea, and for hernias when combined with shepard’s purse.